Last Saturday morning, I caught myself in an old pattern. Four painters arrived early at my property, and upon overhearing their wish for coffee, I instinctively sprung into action – running out to fetch drinks for everyone. It took my partner's gentle observation to illuminate my behavior: 'Honey, these guys don't pay you.'
This simple moment crystallised decades of conditioning.
Growing up in an Asian household, I internalised the belief that merely existing wasn't enough. Each day felt like another opportunity to prove my worth through achievement and service. Love came wrapped in expectations, emotions were luxury items, and my right to occupy space in this world seemed contingent on constant performance.
The truth I'm slowly embracing is that worth isn't earned through endless giving or perpetual achievement. It's inherent. Yet old habits of overcompensating reveal how deeply these patterns run. Each small awareness brings me closer to accepting that I don't need to buy my place in the world with coffee runs and constant proving. I'm learning that I don't just exist – I belong.
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